Sunday, May 31, 2009

why i haven't been posting a whole lot lately

i have an incredibly low ceiling for happiness, while my floor for pain is bottomless. i can think of endless metaphors for sadness but only one for happiness, and i
stole that from my boyfriend anyway. anyway, i'm happy now. i can function. but i can't write. what scares me is i sometimes think i'd rather write.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

for the death i have yet to die

i still see your face
regarding me like one day you're not gonna stop loving me
i know you're all a dream
i know you're all me
come on have your way with me
i know i'll wake up i know your type
i know i created you
the wind doesn't blow on your face
i didn't consider that
you exist only in my dreams
nothing like you could be real
the whole world blurs
nothing has colour compared with you
you shine so brightly i'm blinded to every other sight
you shine so brightly you illuminate my jet black heart

elsie goes soft

i miss you when you're gone
like i know it's all a dream, everything
everything is grey
like every sky is grey when you're gone
when you're here every sky is jet black and sparkling
twinkling in the velvet
me and you
twinkling star-crossed sometimes i wonder
how long til you're gone forever?
dancing in the velvet near the water
so close to dancing in
drowning in the velvet sometimes i wonder
why do i miss you when you're gone?

Sunday, May 17, 2009

if only

i'd give absolutely anything to look like jayne mansfield.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

prettier than you

it'll destroy your soul

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

sometimes i just wish i could evacuate the crazy

"you'll all be lovely citizens,"
"you'll all grow up to be lovely, responsible citizens."
this was the moment i realised i was going to commit suicide. really, i try so hard. civil disobedience. always trying to fuck up little things. doing whatever 4chan tells me to. i'm not supposed to want to be a part of anyone's army. i just want to feel a part of something bigger. i feel a thousand years old. i feel like a grey, dusty, crumbling corpse. a beautiful blonde skeleton, with maggots pouring from my eye sockets. the stench of death surrounds me, swellibng to permeate every nook and cranny of every soul in the world. and i'm the only one who notices. there's something huge and necessary as oxygen missing from the world, and i'm the only one who notices.