Sunday, June 28, 2009

i can't remember if i've posted this before. useless.

i think a part of you still loves me,
and i don't care.
you make me think that i've done wrong,
you make me want to die,
but if you were worth crying for
you wouldn't make me cry.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

if only you could see the world through my eyes

it's bleakly beautiful. i always see it from an angle as if i'm on the outside looking in. like i'm outside the window of a house peeping in, invading and doing something i shouldn't be doing. i'm not a part of all this. it's so far away from me. the wind in my soul is icier than a thousand years of dancing, all-consuming snow.

in the middle of the road

the whole world has just carried on without me and i'm sitting in the middle of the vast expanse of road, alone for miles upon miles in every direction, cold wind whipping around me. i'm kind of empty in an abstract sort of way, i've pushed myself so far away from my emotions that i'm only vaguely aware of this emptiness. the grey-white light leaks into my body but it's not the good kind of light. it's the kind of light that consumes absolutely everything because there's nothing there in the first place, the kind of light that only illuminations your desolation, the kind of light that shows you just how alone you are and just how empty your world is. the kind of light that blinds you from seeing that there's nothing there. why do you keep looking? there's nothing there. the whole world is millions of light years ahead of me and i'm just siting in the middle of the road wondering what's happened. it's one of those memories that you know is right there on the edge of your conscience but you just can't reach it. or maybe i can reach it but i don't want to. sometimes people change but it happens so slowly i refuse to believe it happens. they start off so nice but somehow this nice person just evacuates their body and there's this shell walking around. and you can never get the nice person back. and you think this person is nice and different so when they do something bad to you, you're not quite sure it even happened. you even convince yourself that it's just you being paranoid. you can't believe this person would do such a thing, it's just so unlike them. well, trust your instinct when you think your resident nice different person might maybe possibly have let you down. because they have. and they will do it over and over again. and you'll be left in the middle of the road, wondering, "wait, did that just happen?"

Monday, June 1, 2009

it's hard to carry this burden when i'm the one to blame
instead of ever loving me you'll never know my name
you're like a flash in the dark. you're the sudden, blinding, bolt of white light in a universe of infinite darkness. but after i see you i'm blinded to absolutely everything else. i don't see what anyone else can see in anyone else. after i see you, i never see anything again. and i don't mind. you're a searing bright light in the universe, and a bright light casts a dark shadow. you're an all-consuming flare, but after you there can only be darkness. after you my eyes are forever and ever open, seeing nothing at all. looking at everything and seeing nothing. just as i talk and talk but never say a word.