Wednesday, August 12, 2009

in the worst way

i just want to inhale myself
i want to shiver and squint through my pallor
i want to disappear
to dissolve into a colossal nothingness
an absolute empty
i want to eat myself alive
i want to consolidate all my worries into one little bite
it feels so holy,
a thousand years of wind blowing through my soul.

i just wanna break you down so badly

i will never be you
i will never sing your song
i'm too busy being the something that i am
i'm too busy dying of loneliness in a crowded room
dying of loneliness with you
because you can live without me
or can you? really?
maybe you have too much to die
but not enough to stay alive.

once upon a time i believed
that one day we could be
one day the would will be as it should
minutes before it ends.
and here i am in a chasm of hope
scribbling love poems to a closed book
poems that you will never hear
songs that i will never sing
because i, despite what i write,
know the truth.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

coward. the next time you want to fuck me over, stab me in the front.

you can see everything by the light that blinded me.

i wish i could create a world like that
of magnetic darkness and shimmering blue light
of cold hands and flaming cheeks
you don't know how desperately i need to gasp your air
you don't know how long i've been under water.

the bottom is falling out of my soul.

"sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated." - lamartine.