Sunday, November 14, 2010

Cry for help

It was such a slap in the face to be told that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, and that there is absolutely no reason for me to be there.

"I'm dying."

"No you're not.
Come back in five weeks and we'll see how you are."

I won't survive five weeks.
I won't survive five minutes.

I tried really hard. I fought really hard. You have no idea how insurmountable it seemed to ask for help, but I did. And I kept fighting, I kept asking for help but nobody has helped me. Nothing has changed. They have failed me.

Saturday, November 13, 2010


I think it's the most disgusting thing ever. Why would you do it? If you want to have sex with random, dirty people you met in a club, be single. If you want to have sex with someone you chose and worked for, someone who's always there for you, someone who's your best friend, someone who you love to hang out with, someone who knows what you like, be in a relationship. You can't have both, and why would you want both?
It just makes me so mad to see people who cheat all the time, people in long-term relationships with partners who appreciate them and love them so much, and they just say, "Everyone does it. It's in our nature." Well no, I don't think it's in our nature at all. We need monogamous relationships because unlike gorillas, who people who say this base their judgement on, we don't have a struggling population. Mating for life creates a population that is diverse and therefore better defended against disease. But I'm almost going off topic here.
I would never, ever cheat on Mark, because it would be pointless. I chose him because he is everything I want in a man. He's perfect, why would I want to go out to a club and settle for something less? Nobody could compare. Why go out to a club and get with someone not as good when he's there in my home with a big smile on his beautiful face, waiting for me with love and cuddles and chocolate?

Monday, November 1, 2010

No Dawn, No Day; I'm always in this twilight.

Today was pretty cool, Mark and I pretended to be real people which was an unusual experience to say the least. We got up at eight am and I moisturised my face, then we ate breakfast at the dining table instead of inhaling a Nature Valley bar on the way to college. I always get the urge to go "Crunchy Nature Valley bar" in a Welsh accent. You would be jealous though.

Anyway I went to college and parked the car with minimal crashing/casualty and went to my first nine am philosophy turtorial, which is a big deal for me, it was hard and I'm happy I did it. I then went home for two hours and ate an orange like a real person.

On my way to my German lab I found a lost kitten hiding under the lockers in the arts block and I didn't go to German, but I read another two chapters of Dorian Gray and went to Philosophy of Religion.

I'm trying to finish all the books I've ever started, in the manner of a real person; I started Dorian Gray when I was twelve so that's the stage I'm at now.

Anyway, after college we went to Woodie's to get paint for my room and while I was there I spotted this eighteen hundreds looking bird cage which I had to have even if it meant I couldn't eat for a week. Currently it's in my room happily housing a cuddly elephant toy. It's my favourite thing that I have ever bought.

Long story short, I didn't paint my room today. But I tidied it and got it ready. Baby steps.